He asked me of what I remember from my childhood. I couldn’t remember much because I am not one to think of my past nonetheless dwell in it. It seems to me as though I had no past because I have taught my mind to not cling to memories.

However, what I can remember is being sad, a lot. I remember feeling lonely and out of place. Feeling like I don’t belong. I remember being thrown out of the room by my sisters most of the time when I wanted to join their hangout sessions with my cousins because they were much older than I was. Probably 3 or 6 years older and I was just a 7 year old kid. I remember being made fun of, a lot by my siblings because I was the ugliest. I remember how they teased me and told me I was adopted. I might as well have been as it’s fitting. I was the black sheep of the family, I still am.

The best thing that I could remember was owning a printed sleeveless top of Big Bird from Sesame Street. It was my favourite. I remember the many sketchbooks my father bought me and all I ended up drawing was monstrous looking fishes. Time and time again.

I remember living in fear. I was terrified of everything. Although I was treated as such by my siblings, I remember being terrified of losing them because they were all I have. I remember praying every night before I go to bed, praying for my family’s well-being.

I remember how pieces of papers allowed me to express. It helped me discover my ability to write about emotions. I remember how my family said I was a problematic child but they did nothing to make sure that I am mentally healthy because they didn’t believe in the importance of mental health. I remember the moment that my mind became my friend.

I couldn’t tell him that I had a happy childhood. All I could say is that it was fine, I had some good times and that I grew up okay. I cling more to things than I do to people and that is particularly evident as I grow older. That is why I dislike maintaining relationships because I find it unnecessary and troublesome as I enjoy being left alone.

I have become incredibly independent as I couldn’t depend on anyone growing up. I have grown to be cold and selfish. I dislike having emotions as it gets in my way but that doesn’t mean I don’t feel because I do, I felt a lot growing up and because of that I have programmed myself in a way that I am capable of switching it off.

I am capable of leaving everything that’s familiar behind and move forward because in the end I put myself first. My childhood has resulted in me feeling that I will never be good enough. That is something I’ve always apologized for because a terrible thing that is, having to burden someone with your own insecurities.

Things are better with my family now though especially when I moved out to attend a university 5 years ago. Distance did us good, at least I believe so in my point of view. I feel better. Nevertheless, I am grateful of my childhood. It has made me the person I am today. I have built myself from the ground and I have found the things I am truly good at. I have a set of principles that nobody can make me break. I have grown to be stronger than I could possibly imagine.

I supposed my childhood is the reason why I am particularly protective of children in general because I know how helpless they are, I understand how hurtful it is when your voice is ignored. I find it absolutely necessary not to let grown adults talk down to a child or speak to one in a rude manner because no matter how insignificant you think your action or word is, it’s not.